i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
