So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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