there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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