We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
