I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
