i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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