This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
