why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
