Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
