wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
