i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
