I just pynch a tree in the face
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
