my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
