Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
