so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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