can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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