great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
