My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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