then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
