There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
is wine microwaveable?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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