i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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