who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
