Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
