I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
