Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
