This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
