Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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