My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I think people are normalizing furries
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
