maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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