How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
