I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
