I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
