We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
