Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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