Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
