there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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