you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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