need another drink. this is the easiest way
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
