i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
