smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
