I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
