Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
