Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
tell me about the eggs
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
