It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
