Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
