just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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