What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
