would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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