my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
