It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
