His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
